Book Reviews
Sept 13, 2015 6:02:01 GMT
Post by Sprague Dawley on Sept 13, 2015 6:02:01 GMT
The memoirs of the worst serial killer in recorded history, the idiotically-named "Lone Cheney" (2063-2098 R.I.P). History shows the completely bonkers great-grandson of former US Vice President Dick Cheney was believed to have been responsible for the gruesome deaths of between 17,500 and 17,680 individuals between the years 2065-2098.
This no-holds barred account features previously unreleased information revealing how Cheney traveled to the Maldives in the Spring of '92, aboard his private helicopter, under the guise of airlifting the last 7 remaining Maldivians to safety. The last gaggle of the entire population were huddled atop their last silly little 5-metre high "hilltop" awaiting rescue, just before the rising sea levels were to wipe their tiny islands off the face of the map forever, only for Cheney to carefully pilot his craft down low enough for the spinning rotors of the helicopter to gruesomely render extinct the last populace of an entire nationality.
Cheney finally perished in 2098 in a clay jail cell on the remote Pitcairn Island (pop.46. incarcerated pop:1) in the middle of the expansive southern Pacific Ocean. He had helicoptered in with the intent of rendering yet another populace extinct only for a stupid branch to puncture his fuel tank upon landing, causing the tank to run dry and thus stranding him forever. With no fuel or even motorised transport on the island, the locals soon ran him down and imprisoned him. His imprisonable crime was apparently recorded in the Town Ledger as "not bringing us any fu**ing cake from the mainland."
Cheney died 37 days later from expanded gangrene of the bumcrack. After attempting to claw his way through the wooden bars of his cell, a scratch on his finger became infected and then a few days later he absentmindedly scratched his arse and soon after he contracted highly toxic bumcrack gangrene which is, of course, as we all know from The Great Bumcrack Gangrene Epidemic of 2026, 100% fatal.